I’ve gone swipe crazy…

I’ve gone swipe crazy.
After Sunday night’s swipe debacle I’ve gotten my bearings and become somewhat of a swipe-master.
Dare I say it’s pretty fun thus far!
I tend to “go for” the Jews (it’s J Swipe so they’re all Jewish,) with whom I have mutual Facebook friends in common. Two of the Jews are actually my own Facebook friends who I’ve known since childhood but haven’t seen in a goodly long while. I swiped right for one of them (right=good swipe,) and now have to see if they swipe right for me too.
I’m currently a J Swipe expert so I can explain with authority, for those lucky enough to not have to online date, how it all works.
I had to select the desirable age range I want my potential suitors. I think I did 33-50 or something close to that. The app then displays all the dudes in that age range that are within FIFTY miles of me. That’s kind of a stretch. Literally. One of the J Swipers lives in Santa Clarita and that would be a long distance relationship as far as I’m concerned. I had to take a screen-shot of him to send to my friend Tracy, who I met through a single mom’s group. She’s a single mom for much different circumstances than I. Her wonderful husband passed away, sadly, and I absolutely admire her for getting out there to find love again after being dealt such a shitty card. Anyway, I sent her the screen shot of this Santa Clarita bachelor because he lives in no-man’s-land and his name was Dudi. I captioned the text “Doodie?” Tracy got a good laugh which made me quite happy.
Side note 1: If you live in Santa Clarita please don’t be offended. I am a big fan of Valencia and SC but it’s super far from where I live.
Side note 2: If you’re reading this blog and your name is Dudi I’m sorry I made fun of your name. I’m also sorry that your name is Dudi.
Back to business.
The guy’s picture comes up on my phone, along with his age, how many miles away he is, and if we have any Facebook friends in common. If I’m intrigued by his main pic, I tap it. His full profile then appears along with our mutual FB friends. If I dig his profile and pics, I launch into stalker mode. If he’s friends with someone I’m comfortable enough with to contact, I do. I sent plenty of messages yesterday saying, “Should I swipe right for So and So?” My friend Amy said to definitely swipe right for this one gent because he was a “super chill guy and v handsome.” I told her my ex-husband was “v handsome” and that means nothing to me now. I asked her if he was funny and employed. She said yes to both so I right swiped the hell out of him.
Here’s the complicated part.
If I right swipe him and he’s already right swiped me the screen turns blue and says, “Mazel Tov! You’re a match!” Then balloon graphics appear and it’s a real virtual celebration. Now the waiting begins. I’m not ballsy enough to send the first message to my “matches” so I have to wait for them to message me. And I’ve gotten zero messages so far. Hellooo boyz, mama’s ready to mingle, give a girl a shout!
Another hitch it the gitalong: Some of the potential persons of interest don’t log on to J Swipe often. Some may be off for months at a time. How are they supposed to know I right swiped them if they don’t check the app?! Very disconcerting indeed.
That’s all for now. Hopefully I’ll have some great stories to share on the next entry. The picture is from my Bat Mitzvah. The recently swiped childhood friend happens to be in the pic. Heehee.
Thank you for reading!


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