Ohhhhhh myyyyyyy goooodnesssssss.
Ugh. Nerves! I hate this feeling. I hate, hate, hate this feeling. Gahhhhh.
I am meeting “Sam” on Tuesday.
In person.
Yup. Going out with a man who (I think) is romantically interested in me. I have not had these feelings of dread and excitement for a goodly long while. The last time was when I started dating “Afkah” years ago. If you’ve read previous entries of this blog you know that I abhor dating. I don’t find it pleasurable. Sure, it can turn pleasurable if the date goes well, but the chances of that happening are few and far between. Especially with a complete stranger, right?! We’ve been texting for a few days now, so not a total stranger, but still somewhat of a stranger fo sho.
I will now give some deets about how this all happened:
First, let’s start with Sam’s stats:
Age: 36 (2 years my junior)
Career: Great. Not going to say what it is to protect the innocent.
Looks: Very cute from pictures, but maybe he just knows his angles.
Resides: 14 miles away from where I live. I thought that was a big deal until my girlfriend Inez reminded me she dated her now husby when they lived on different continents.
Misc: Divorced, great friends with his ex, (huge plus on many levels,) and has a child.
Second, we’ll go into why he’s the one I’m choosing to be my first, first date since Afkah.
I like that he went to my high school and knows some of the same people I do. For some reason I find this comforting. Maybe he had Mr. Gibbons for government class too?
The guy gives good text. We’ve gotten a little deep with our histories but it’s mostly relaxed and fun. I decided to give him some zingers pretty early on and I definitely applaud his witty retorts.
Two examples of said wit:
Example 1
Sam, “So, Ali, what do you like to do when not doing mom things or working?”
Me, “Anything outdoors, going to movies, hanging with girlfriends at home, good restaurants, and smoking meth. You?”
I actually took a screen shot of that and sent it to some friends. They were expecting I’d never hear from him again. I told them if he can’t hang with an easy joke like that, he’s not my guy. After all, my profile and pics on the site are a portrait of health and vibrancy, or I tried to make them look that way, so if he doesn’t get that I’m being silly, he’s lame. So he says…
Sam, “Just meth. All day, errday. Sometimes blow, but trying to cut down since hookers are getting expensive these days.”
Yasssss. He’s cool.
Example 2
He asked if we could text instead of message on the site, gave me his number, and I text him.
Sam, “Ali, I presume.”
Me, “Who? How dare you, Sir. It’s Esther Goldstein, from JSwipe.”
Sam, “Oh, I dare. Sorry. It’s really hard to keep track of all of you… Esther’s got me hot. Second only to Doris Silverman.”
That made me laugh aloud.
Crap. I just got a flash of, “What if he’s found this blog and is reading these direct quotes? He will think I’m out of my effing mind.” Geez. Crap! You know what? Look, the whole reason I’m getting myself out there is because of this damn blog. When he asked me to hang out I was with my friends having a freak-out that I’d have a potential date. They said, “Do it for the blog!” It takes pressure off me if I do it for the blog. Too much pressure to think, “I may find love again.” So I am swallowing my fear and taking the leap. It was a huge deal for me to join a dating site in the first place, this is the natural next step. I owe it to Wipes and Swipes to be thorough! I will proceed and convince myself he has not and will not read this.
I’m more nervous that I won’t like him than him not liking me. If he’s not into me, whatever, I never hear from him again. If I’m not into him, I have to think of some bullshit reason I don’t want to go out with him again. I’m not over my ex yet, I have a hypoactive thyroid that’s preventing me to date, I can’t get a babysitter, the cobwebs covering my dusty crotch are too thick, etc. I’ve never been capable of saying, “Hey, I just didn’t feel the spark.” My sister is so good at that. Super ballsy and direct. Lucky! I have to give some roundabout excuse which is usually not entirely truthful. Maybe we both won’t like each other. That would be great and easy. Hahaha I’m laughing at myself. This positivity is really inspiring.
He’s coming to my hood which is awesome. I picked the place, this super hip restaurant that I love about five minutes from my pad. I’m meeting him there, obvi, and I hope to sit at the bar. I like sitting at the bar on dates as opposed to a table. We can talk to the bartender if it gets awkward, we don’t have to order food if we know it’s going to be a very short meeting, and it’s more casual in general.
I’m scared I’m going to wimp out and cancel, so don’t be mad at me if I do. My mantra is, “DO IT FOR THE BLOG,” so I will be chanting that until I walk into the restaurant.
That’s all for this entry.
If this is your first time reading, “Afkah” stands for Artist Formerly Known As Husband. Also, Sam’s name isn’t really Sam. The picture is of the restaurant where I’ll be meeting him. I can’t figure out how to edit pictures so they’re not cut off. The bat-mitzvah picture from a few entries ago is missing a bunch of boys that got cut off. Also, the “super-match” picture makes it look like a super match is a threesome. It’s actually 3 people holding a chair in the air, as the Jewish tradition of hoisting the bride and groom up in the air while their loved ones dance the hora around them to celebrate the wedding. Or something like that.
Thank you so much for reading!


4 thoughts on “First-first-date.

  1. Hope it goes well! Love your blog. Am also interested in who “Sam” is bc I went to your hs too (I’m a year younger than your sis & we were friendly) so maybe I know him! Good luck!


  2. When I was online dating (met my husband through I found that not taking the dates too seriously was the key. Just making the goal of the date to meet new people took the stress off and I was able to relax. Good luck and have fun!


  3. and in the event that “i don’t really feel the spark” should so be the case, you have the gift that is “i’ll be out of the state for a while” as an actual valid excuse.


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