I did it.

I thought I’d feel satisfied right now. Or proud.
I’m dissatisfied to say the least.
I feel like I’m in a fog. And I felt like that when I was sitting across from “Sam” too.
I miss the life I thought I had. I don’t want to do this.
Meet strangers, hope there’s some sort of connection, and be let down.
I miss my old life.
I know I need to put it in perspective. My old life was not all roses. I had a husband who was miserable, he wouldn’t sleep with me, hardly laughed with me, and wanted out. I don’t deserve a life like that, I know this. But it wasn’t all bad. We had some wonderful times and that’s unfortunately what I hold on to.
Maybe I should just be content with how my life is. Maybe I don’t need a partner. I have myself, friends, family, and my perfect toddler. I’m happy. I don’t cry every night while watching my shows, I feel pretty fine. I am ok alone.
I just…I love being in love. I love having a mate. I never thought I’d spend my life without one.
Yes, I know it’s been one date, and I need to give it more time, I know this. It’s just how I’m feeling right now.
The Date:
I had to cancel the Tuesday date. He had to cancel the Thursday date. We met today for coffee.
He came to my neighborhood and was already there when I got there.
Man, I don’t have it in me to get into details but I will try my best.
He was drinking coffee. I went inside and got a decaf ice tea.
I tried the tea when I went outside and it was so terrible I had him take a sip. He said he felt like he was drinking potpourri and I chuckled. He went inside and had them dilute it with some water.
We chatted. About our divorces, or whatever my situation is, kids, his job, etc. I don’t know if I think he’s cute because we had our sunglasses on the whole time. He’s very outgoing, talkative, and energetic. I was not. I felt like I was drugged, I wasn’t, but felt like it. He was surprised it was my first date because he said I seemed so relaxed. It lasted maybe an hour then I said I had to go home.
I don’t think I’ll hear from him. Pretty evident there was no “connection.”
So that’s it.
I did it.
I went out there.
I’m leaving town for a week and hopefully I’ll be ready to get back out into the world of dating when I return.
That’s all I’ve got.
The picture is of a lavender ice tea, my chosen beverage today. I will not be choosing it again.
Thank you for reading. 🙂


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