Second First Date.

After my lackluster first-first-date I debated taking myself out of the dating world and giving up. As I said in my last post, it was bizarre on so many levels and left me feeling empty. “Sam” was a great guy, I just felt like I was on another planet. My friend Jon commented on my last post and it made me think. He wrote, “Dood dating while your mourning an X is pretty unfair to that date.. There’s no way he’s getting a fair shot while your all wrapped up in your own head .. It took me two years to date after an X I loved ..”
At first I agreed with what he said. I am definitely still mourning my relationship. I’m devastated we’re not a family. I will never go back east to see my ex-inlaws for Christmas and experience that tradition with Willa. A tradition I love and always looked forward to sharing with our kid someday. I will never meet a man that will love Willa as much as he does. My marriage failed, and failing sucks. I could go on for paragraphs about why I’m still mourning the demise of my relationship but I shan’t. The more I thought about what Jon said, the more I realized the pattern I’ve had as long as I can remember. I don’t get over my exes until I fall in love with someone else. The saying, “You don’t get over your ex until you get under the next,” is true in my case. I didn’t get over Errol until I fell for Ari. Didn’t get over Ari until I fell for Brian. Didn’t get over Brian till I fell for Steve #1. Didn’t get over Steve #1 till I fell for Mark. Didn’t get over Mark till I fell for Michael. Didn’t get over Michael till I fell for Neighbor Steve aka Steve #2. Didn’t get over him till I fell for Nick. Didn’t get over Nick till I fell for Ian. Didn’t get over Ian till I fell for “Afkah.” That brings us to the present. (I’ve had a rich 23 year dating history, apparently.) The point of this is that I probably won’t stop mourning Afkah until someone sweeps me off my feet and gives me reason to not give a damn that he’s no longer my partner. The new person will make me feel relieved that Afkah left me, and make me want to send Afkah an Edible Arrangement as a thank you for bailing. So I went back on the app and started swiping which leads us to the second-first date.
“Marty” and I matched on the site so he sent me a message.
“Happy Monday Ali. You look great, have a great personality, workout…We have a lot in common. 😉
Plus you have the most beautiful, kid and live close, let’s meet up for coffee and some great conversation.”
I was down with this first message. Oh, being “down” with something means that I was into it, my friend Kathy is probably confused by that saying as she was when I responded to one of her texts by saying, “Word.” Got it, Kath? Anyway, he seemed attractive from his pictures and I like the fact that he has a great career. Without giving too much away and trying to protect the innocent I will say he has a job that rhymes with Lockter but starts with a D. If you’re crafty you can figure it out. He requested we meet in Brentwood at 8pm and I asked if we could do 7pm in Bev Hills instead. The old me would’ve agreed to Brentwood at 8 and been pissed off all day that I had to drive out there so close to my bedtime. (When you’re alarm clock AKA child wakes you up at 5:30am every day you try to turn in early.) So I was glad he was easy about meeting close to my place at a more reasonable hour. Haha I make myself laugh sometimes when I think about who I’ve become. My evenings used to begin at 10pm.
I digress.
I threw on a dress and some heels. My girlfriends know what a big deal heels are for me. I hate fancy shoes. I have foot problems (they still look cute but hurt on the inside) from years on my feet so I live in Birkenstocks or orthotic sandals. Seriously. I hate heels but I busted them out because I kind of had to. I showed up at 6:55pm and sat at the bar. The couple next to me were super friendly so I told them about myself and how this was my second-first-date. They were both divorced and now married to each other so we had lots to talk about not to mention the fact they were hilarious. I ordered a glass of Rose and was having a great time. Thank God for my new friends Gary and Jana. Marty didn’t show up till 7:15 so I was a little tipsy from my half a glass of wine by the time he arrived. I hardly ever drink so I have zero tolerance which was perfect for this scenario and my deep fear and loathing of first dates. He was not my typical “type” physically, but still cute. He has a great accent, from another country, you’re probably thinking Israel but it’s not Israel, and I’m not saying where to protect the innocent once again, but a great accent indeed. I did most of the talking at first. I should say I did most of the shouting. It was loud as hell. My throat was starting to get sore so we moved to a table so I wouldn’t have to ask the bartender for a lozenge.
It was really good.
I told him my story, he told me his. He seemed a bit smitten and said some things about our future in a jokey yet serious way. I had to remind him that he doesn’t know me yet. I could be a hoarder or bulimic. I flashed back to when Afkah told me he loved me very early on in our relationship. It freaked me out because he had never seen my bad sides. I told him I’m insecure, get jealous, and all of my other shitty qualities and he assured me even if he saw them he’d still love me. Well, when he first saw that side of me he was pretty shocked and not pleased. I told him I warned him, I’m far from perfect, and that he had promised he’d love me regardless. I don’t know if he ever really did after I shattered the illusion of what he thought I was. Back to the present, I felt strange with Marty telling me how amazing I am after two hours in my presence and a couple of messages on J Swipe. At 9:15 I checked my phone because I realized I never checked in with my sis who was watching Willa. I had 16 texts, none from her thankfully, but it made me uneasy for some reason and I was ready to go. I thanked him and said we should hang again. I came home and told my sister about the date and that it was great but for some reason I really wanted to bolt at the end. She reminded me I’m like that with everything. I don’t like being in one place for too long, unless it’s my couch with remote in hand.
Second-first-date success? I think so. I will go out with him again and see what happens. And don’t think I feel less anxious on second dates. I have the same feelings of dread until I’m extremely comfortable with someone. Keep you posted. Crap. He just asked me out for Sunday. I don’t want to go. Waves of terror. Why am I like this?
Anyways, thank you for reading. The pic is from the bar we sat at. Hopefully. I’ve been having issues with the pics on this blog. Also, if this is your first time reading, “Afkah” stands for Artist Formerly Known as Husband. Thanks again!


2 thoughts on “Second First Date.

  1. You are beautiful and loved by so many and should look forward to new people seeing the “whole” you and loving it too. Go get em and show him the good, the bad, and the ugly. None of us should only be the “good”!


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