First Third Date and Dr. Marty Update.

The last time I saw Dr. Marty was June 26. We had that unstimulating date at Il Pastaio in Beverly Hills.
The tables were ever so close to each other on either side of us and we pretty much talked to our neighbors the whole time. During that date he let me know he was leaving for vacation on July 4 and asked if we could squeeze in another date before he left town. I told him it was a busy week and I probably couldn’t swing a meeting. I was relieved he was going away and planned on figuring out if I wanted to see him again while we had some space. That’s a great sign! After two dates I already need some space…
He sent me a text on July 4th wishing me and my “child,” a happy holiday. Yes, he said, “I hope you and your child are having a happy holiday. Her first 4th of July, wow.” I appreciate the sentiment, but it was weird that he called her “child,” and it was her second 4th of July, not her first. Whatever, I just wrote, “Thanks!” He said he will miss me, called me, “sweetie,” and unfortunately that made my skin crawl. Doesn’t take much, I guess. After that I didn’t hear from him. I figured my one word return texts spoke volumes, but he reached out to me Friday.
He text me this:
DM: Hi Ali just got back late last night from vacation u wanna meet up this weekend?
Me: Hi Dr. G! You’re great but I started seeing someone the past few weeks and I want to see where it goes. I’ll let you know if anything changes, if you’re not scooped up by then. Hope you had a wonderful trip.
DM: Ok no worries now I don’t feel guilty responding to this 22 year old who’s been pursuing me. Take Jswipe no 3 to il pastaio and see how well he responds to people intruding on the conversation, always a good test. That was definitely a trip. Nice meeting u and good luck”
I read his last text as kind of pissy. Why is he telling me about the 22 year old? Like I’m going to think about it and say, “Ooooh, a 22 year old wants to bang this 45 year old man, I should too! Hey Marty, what are you doing Saturday? Ditch the teenager and let’s party!” If this 22 year old truly does exist, I have a feeling he didn’t find her on, more like I wanted to tell him that I didn’t meet this new guy online, rather it was a set-up, but decided to just let it go and not respond.
So, that’s a wrap on Doctor Marty.
On to my first third date with Kevin.
Some friends had talked about getting some Korean food and renting a Karaoke room in Koreatown after dinner. I asked Kevin if he would be into this plan and he thought it sounded like a blast. Mighty cool that he was ready for a night out with the friends, I know that can be intimidating. He lives on my way to K-town so I got an Uber and picked him up. We were super early so he took me to his favorite bar that happened to be across the street from the restaurant. It was super dark and divey, kitschy and fun, and specialized in a drink called “The Wise Man.” I think that’s what it was called. It was a shot of tequila or whiskey and a can of beer for $5.50. I can’t remember the last time I took a shot but it sounded fun so we went for it. We got the bill and I offered to pay for the drinks. He wouldn’t let me pay, and I said, “Come on, it’s like ten bucks!” He said, “Oh, so you’ll pay for the cheap stuff?” We kind of laughed it off and he paid. When it was time to meet my friends we walked across the street to the Korean restaurant. Two of the friends meeting us are Korean so they ordered everything for the table and it was really fun and delish. We had lots of laughs with my friends and it was refreshing how comfortable Kevin is with new people. Afkah was seriously shy, so I always had anxiety when going out with friends that he’d be mute the whole time. Kevin was funny and talkative with my peeps and a good time was had by all. The bill came and it was $50 per person. I took out my wallet and had a hundred dollar bill. I sold my car for cash a few months ago so I still have some hundo’s left from it and they’ve come in very handy because I’m barely working and feel weird asking Afkah for money to support my social life. I feel like paying every single one of my bills is sufficient, so I never ask him for spending money. I’d rather be a full-time-stay-at-home-mom to Willa right now, so I don’t go out much because I don’t really have any money. The money I do make generally goes to filling the car with gas and buying produce. Anyway, that’s a long story about why I had the hundred dollar bill. So, I pulled out the bill, Kevin took it from me, gave me back $50, and paid my friends our share. Okay. Okay. How do I say this without sounding how I don’t want to sound? Is it weird that he didn’t pay for me in front of my friends? I guess I’m not used to that. I’ve been in the dating world a long time and at least for the first few months the guy always has offered to pay for me. Even when I was making money and would go out with someone with no money, they would pick up the tab. Am I old school? Even with guys who I knew I never wanted to see again, when I would genuinely want to pay for myself, would force me to put my wallet away. And actually, I probably wouldn’t have let him pay for my portion because we were out with my friends and I invited him, but in front of my friends he could at least put up a fight, no? From what I know of his career, he’s a baller, so it was just really odd for me to experience this.
We walked a few blocks to the Karaoke establishment and some more of my friends were waiting there for us. Kevin was once again charming and fabulous with the new people and he was a karaoke master. He killed his songs. He sang duets with Inez’s husband Joon, he sang his own Tay-Swift jams, and everyone loved him. My best friend Jenny and her husband Scott gave me the stamp of approval which is huge. The guy is a blast. Around 11pm I had to leave because Afkah was watching Willa and I needed to get home so he could leave. We settled up the bill, (once again I paid for myself, gonna let that go now and not go off on a tangent about it,) and left Gaam Karaoke. I suggested we take an Uber with my friend’s Ali and Mia, drop off Kevin first, then make the drop offs at our respective homes. After Kevin’s stop we dissected the evening because I was feeling weird. I know I should’ve been on cloud nine but I felt off. Maybe knowing I had to go home to my husband who is now my babysitter? Maybe because my in-laws who I love and adore are coming in today and I know I won’t be able to spend as much time with them because Afkah left me and we’re not a big, happy family anymore? And I can’t go on outings with them and Willa? One of my friends brought up the bill paying as well, and it made me a little embarrassed for Kevin, even though everyone was crazy about him.
I was the last stop in the Uber and it seemed like we hit every red light. I just wanted to be home so badly. I walked in the door, Afkah had passed out on the couch and was startled by me. He began to tell me about his day/evening with Willa and I just burst into tears. I told him I was seeing a handsome, wonderful guy but I didn’t feel happy about it at the moment. I told him we had Korean food with tons of meat that he would’ve gone crazy for. I told him if I wasn’t happy after this seemingly successful night I doubt I can ever be happy and I will be alone forever. I told him I miss him. I do. I miss him. Our marriage turned into shit. He made me feel like I was unattractive and unloveable. It sucked hard. But now in the brief periods of time that I do see him it’s really lovely. I don’t go on outings with him and Willa but I hang with them when they’re at home. I sit with them when he’s giving Willa her dinner. I lay on the bed and read books with them. I laugh as hard as Willa does when he cracks her up, and he makes her laugh constantly. It breaks my heart and makes my heart swell all at the same time. After Willa goes to bed he catches me up on his life. And I do the same. It’s nice. It’s kind of like we’re a family. And then he goes home to his apartment, and I’m reminded that he’s the father of my child and nothing else. It’s sad. He’s made it a point of telling me that he’s never coming back, and even if he did want to come back I wouldn’t take him back. We broke up before we got married because he got freaked out, so I couldn’t take him back and let him do this to me a third time. It’s best it’s happening now when Willa has no idea how it feels to have her parents together. I can’t do that to myself again and more important I can’t let my daughter go through that.
So that’s where I am right now. Feeling pretty down. I pick up Afkah’s parents in a few hours and am excited to spend the day with them because Afkah has to work. When I was crying to Afkah last night he reminded me that it’s only been 6 months and I’m allowed to feel this way, and to not be so hard on myself.
Do I take a break on dating? I’d hate to lose Kevin but the fact that I’m crying in my ex-husband’s arms after a seemingly perfect night is not a good sign. I’m lost and need to figure out my next step. Geez, I wonder if Kevin’s reading this. Clearly I wrote it as if he wasn’t.
Thank you so much for reading and following my journey.
The pic is from the fun dive bar that started off the evening.


One thought on “First Third Date and Dr. Marty Update.

  1. Some of your post made me feel so sad. I just wanted to jump over and give you a big hug and say everything will be ok. It will!


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