Wontons and Chinese Beer.

“Afkah” came to pick up Willa at around 2:30pm yesterday.

I was pretty anxious for them to leave my place so I could start the preparations for my second third date with “Ryan.” We had plans to go to dinner and if all went well I really wanted to come back here for an after party of sorts. I am beyond ready to exorcise the Afkah demon from my vagina and think Ryan is the perfect man for the job. As you know, Afkah stopped being physical with me when he started cheating on me so I haven’t really been intimate with anyone in a very, very long while. He threw me a “bone” every once in a while but the sex was really awful. I had a brief makeout sesh with Kevin, but that didn’t exactly scratch the itch. Plus, now that I know my marriage was a sham and that my husband had a girlfriend who is several steps down from my level, I feel really beautiful and sexy. I want to snuggle nude with someone STAT. Life is short and I look and feel good right now.

As soon as I took my sheets out of the dryer I got a call from one of my best friends since junior high who I love like a sister telling me some of the worst news I’ve ever received. She suffered a major trauma, one that no one should ever have to experience and it rocked my world. I called Afkah five times and he wasn’t answering. He finally called me and was pretty annoyed that I was blowing up his phone. I told him what happened and that he had to bring Willa home because I needed to have them home safe. He came right home from the beach, I cried in his arms for a bit, and just didn’t want to hate him for a night. I text Ryan. Told him what happened and that I wasn’t really feeling like getting gussied up for a night out. He of course understood. When I had calmed down and decided to make the most of this life I’m lucky enough to be living, I text him that he’s welcome to come over after Afkah leaves and I would order food and we could hang at my place. He declined. Said, “I think it’s better if we reschedule. Let’s find a night this week that works.”  Bummer. Seriously, I was bummed. I had booty called him another night last week and he declined as well. He was super tired and I guess he respects me too much or something ridiculous like that. I know, I know, it’s actually really sweet, but I want to have FUN RIGHT NOW!  I’m finally at a place where I’m wanting a fun, physical fling, and this dude is really hard to get. Anyway, I was seriously starving so I asked Afkah if he wanted to go to dinner. I know, you’re all hating me right now. How could I want to go to dinner with the king of all snakes? Well, I did. I wanted some greasy Chinese food and beer. And I wanted to go with Afkah and our daughter. So we did. For the most part it was freaking fun. This place has a huge fish tank which Willa goes crazy for and a damn good Wonton soup. When the soup first arrived Afkah dived into his bowl as I began to rip apart some burning hot chicken from the soup for Willa with my fingers. I asked Afkah, “Oh, how does it feel to always just feed yourself before worrying what your child is going to eat?” He said, “I didn’t know what she would eat from the soup,” or something like that. From then on he was attentive to Willa. We did our equal share of slicing broccoli, chicken, etc, and making sure she always had something on her rubber place-mat I always take to restaurants. I thought, “This is how normal families must feel. Co-parenting harmoniously.” It was nice. We had a few beers, lots of yummy food, and a bunch of laughs until I remembered everything this stranger across from me had put me through and my face got hot. I tried to remember that life is precious and I shouldn’t waste it hating him because he’s in my life forever. Today I kind of hate him again, but yesterday I was lonely and wanted him around I guess. After Willa went to bed he actually stayed to watch a show. We watched Bear Grylls with Shaquille O’Neal and it was definitely fun and so nice to not be alone on my couch like I am EVERY NIGHT. Before he left he asked me to stand up so he could give me a hug. It was sweet at first but then it dawned on me that nothing with this person is real to me so the hug meant really nothing. I just wanted him to leave so I could make my final attempt at getting Ryan over here. I started to feel like a loser at this point. I text Ryan that it’s odd that he would refuse my two attempts at a possible booty call. Told him I wasn’t promising intercourse or a beej but a good time was sure to be had just hanging out. He said, “It just feels weird given the circumstances…” I said, “I feel ya,” but I couldn’t give up without a fight. Clearly I am not ok with rejection. I thought those days were over. So I made an absolute ass of myself and maybe an hour later text him, “Ok. This is my last attempt at RyanMakeout 2016. Turning off my phone and going to bed in T-Minus 5 minutes.” He said…


What the fuck, you guys!? This is not fun! Our schedules are not vibing and who knows when I’ll see this dude again. I’m away this coming weekend and he’s busy on the night Willa stays at my mom and dad’s. I want to get over the “hump”, literally, and I had no clue it would be this difficult to “nail” him down. I was so determined to make last night THE night that I almost called an ex who I know is still single to come have a rendezvous. This guy happened to be the best sex OF MY LIFE and thought who better to jump back on the horse with. Geez, enough puns in this entry for ya? Then I realized the awkward convo wouldn’t be worth the possible bone sesh so I just went to bed. Alone. In my crisp sheets.

Oh dear. My mom was quite displeased with my post about the weed and cigarettes. She’s gonna really love this one. Sorry, mom and I’ll see you in an hour.

So that’s that, my friends. I have no clue when I’ll see Ryan again. Or if I’ll ever see him after he reads this blog entry.

I’m not really a “life is beautiful,” “HashtagBlessed” person generally, but life really is beautiful. I have a splendid life and am so, so lucky to be living it. Sucks that it takes a tragedy to remember that sometimes.

Thank you for reading.


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