Blue Ballz.

It’s 10:07pm and I just walked a gentleman to the door after getting the same speech I got from another gentleman I walked to the door four nights ago.
I can not get laid, people.
For the first time IN MY LIFE I don’t care if I have a boyfriend/relationship. I’ve probably stated in this blog 73 times that I just WANT TO HAVE FUN right now. I look pretty good and aside from the intense feelings of anger that course through my veins several times daily, I feel pretty good too. I decided that I’m going to make this happen. I will get naked with someone. Right. Now.
I don’t want to have to go on dates with strangers to find this person. Too stressful. I want it to be someone I know, someone I’m attracted to, trust, know that they respect me, and know that I’ll be comfortable enough to let loose with this person. Unfortunately, unlike my husband, I wouldn’t have good sex with psychotic strangers that I bang in cars and hotel rooms.
As I’ve discussed, I thought “Ryan” would be the man for the job.
I can’t get him to my house. And he’s never invited me to his. The guy insists on taking me out. Lunch, dinner, whatever. He rejected my booty calls but we made plans for a night where Willa was spending the night with my parents. I was excited to hang with him even though I still get super nervous for dinner dates. I later realized that this night was my birthday so I had to cancel because I was spending it with friends. This isn’t fun. Why do we have to schedule a proper date? You’re hot, I’m hot, let’s hang out with our shoes off at someone’s house, drink some wine, and get it on? That’s where I’m at right now, you see.
I was with some girlfriends last weekend and I decided I would booty call (I know it sounds juvenile when I say “booty call” but that’s exactly what it is) one of my exes. We’ll call him “Dylan.” I would NEVER end up with this guy but we have crazy chemistry, he absolutely loves and adores me, and I know we’re very compatible in the sack. Oh dear God my mother is totally reading this but I’m going to keep going. Geez. Anyway, over Facebook messenger I asked him, “Are you single?” Basically he said it’s complicated and he’d love to see me to catch up. Said he’d come over and we would drink wine and hang out. Since I basically told him over messenger that I was contacting him to see if he wanted to snuggle nude, I assumed this was going to be the natural progression of the night. He biked over, was still unbelievably attractive to me, and we drank wine and cracked up. Soooo fun and I was ready for the second part of the evening to progress. I pretty much told him I was going to bed and if he wanted to join. He said, “Alison. You have no idea how much I want to tear you apart right now. And this is really hard for me to do, but I’ve been dating someone for three years and if we did this I couldn’t look her in the eye again.” Dayuuuum! Was not expecting that. Dude, I’m not the type of gal that wants to bone a dude with a girlfriend so thank you for telling me that before we did it, and thank you for abstaining. The speech he gave me was filled with compliments of a sexual nature so even though I had blue ballz I still felt better than if I hadn’t tried at all.
I did some more soul searching and I thought I’d give “Kevin” a shout. Kevin and I have stayed in touch even after I decided I wanted to stop dating because he’s been a really great friend. He’s divorced and has lots of advice and beautiful words of wisdom. I’ve quoted him in this blog before, so you get what I mean. He’s told me numerous times that I’m basically his dream girl, which is pretty flattering and I do love the boost for my shriveled ego especially because he’s totes sexy, smart, and funny to boot. Since I have no shame, I pretty much said I wanted to see him because he’s crazy fun and there was a strong possibility we would be getting naked. I told him I was spending the night with my friend Shelby in Silverlake so if he was up late let me know if he wanted company. He said sounds good or something like that. When 10pm rolled around I was beat so I text him that I was sleeping at Shelby’s and we should hang tomorrow night  instead. Well that was tonight. He brought wine, we had our usual great convo, and 2.5 hours later he braces me for some news he’s about to share. He first starts off with how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am. Then he says not only that, but I’m so cool, funny, smart, basically everything anyone would want to hear about themselves. Says that it’s killing him because he wants to rip my clothes off. I think he may have even bit his knuckle or something like that. It was some gesture to emphasize how passionate he was about ravaging me. BUT… He met someone three weeks ago and they just had the talk on Friday that they weren’t going to sleep with other people.
Is this a SICK JOKE?
So here’s my question:
WHY AM I NOW ATTRACTED TO MEN WITH MORALS? I married a guy I pretty much never trusted for obvious reasons, but now that I just want a meaningless romp I find men with character? What is this bullshit? Back to the damn drawing board. Man I don’t want to online date.
I guess I’ll end by touching upon something Kevin said. He said these are good problems to have. I’m special and any guy who’s worth anything would want to wine and dine me, not just let me use them for sex. He said he hopes I know this about myself and that it’s the best quality to have. I told him we’d be homees for life. Kev rocks.
Thank you for reading

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s