Wipes and Gripes?

I haven’t written in a goodly long while.

This is supposed to be a blog about my dating life but has obviously turned into something else.

I decided I wanted to keep the focus on my dating and not write about other things going on in my life because I think my readers would get bored with updates on my day to day or week to week life updates when there’s nothing really juicy to report. Being that it’s almost a new year combined with Willa being away in Pennsylvania with “Afkah” for a week, I have chosen to give my wonderful readers an update as to what’s been going on in my life. A lot is changing for me.

Everyone always wants the “Afkah” update so I’ll talk about that nitwit first.

I found out about his affair with “Pathy” at the beginning of September.

Side note if it’s your first time reading:

AFKAH stands for Artist Formerly Known as Husband

Pathy stands for Pathetic Loser.

Let’s backtrack on the facts.

Afkah left me in January of 2016 because he was “depressed and not happy.”

In this blog I defended him time after time, saying he’s not a bad person, he just fell out of love with me.

September 2016, I found out he had an 18 month affair with Pathy, the woman who he cheated on me with in 2012, therefore doing the meanest thing he could do to me aside from any sort of physical violence. He started this affair, where he said they would meet in cars and hotels, while I was pregnant. The happiest time of my life, which is now completely tainted.

I write a tell-all post after I find out about the affair.

Afkah tells me he hasn’t liked her for many, many, months and now that everything is out in the open, he can stop seeing Pathy because he’s not afraid of her telling me about their relationship anymore. He said he was with her for so long because every time he tried to end it with her she would go on text rants saying he’s “FUCKED,” and that she’s going to ruin his life. And last Christmas/New Years when we were back east with his family she was threatening to “tell the family” to ruin everyone’s holiday. We all know about how he cheated on her with the waitress, she found out and confronted the waitress at the waitress’s work. We also know how after I published the blog about their affair and he broke up her with as soon as I found out, she threatened physical violence against me. Yes, that’s right, against the woman who’s husband you started  fucking while she was pregnant. Afkah says Pathy says she’s the victim in all this. It’s truly incredible.

So, for obvious reasons, I’m terrified of Pathy.

Afkah frequently says he is sorry he “showed no character,” and made the, “biggest mistake of his life that wasn’t worth it and wishes he could do over.”

He makes it clear he doesn’t think we should be a couple, and NEITHER DO I, but he misses our life tremendously and is going to try to create new memories as our lives move on.

I am still fuming fucking angry with him, and don’t trust him AT ALL, but it is beyond nice to know he is trying to be the good person he says he is by being honest with me for the past few months.

I ask Afkah several times a week if he’s back together with her yet, because I truly think they deserve each other and will end up together. Weak people with no morals should live twisted, miserable lives together.

Afkah says the same things over and over, with conviction and a little irritation. Things like this:

“SHE IS OUT OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.”

“SHE RUINED MY LIFE AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE THAT WOMAN AGAIN.”

“THE ONLY WAY SHE WILL BE BACK IN MY LIFE IS IF YOU BLOG ABOUT IT.”

He even showed me text messages he sent to her, telling her he was blocking her on his phone, and that he was no longer going to engage with her.

I sort of believed it, but still frequently asked him if he was seeing her again. He promised he wasn’t and this actually provided me with a little bit of comfort.

Afkah has been really trying to mend our friendship. Or so he says. He says his priority in life is “co-parent harmoniously” and eventually be wonderful friends when I can finally trust and forgive him again. We go to the nighttime lights at the zoo, to Travel Town, read to Willa in bed, have dinners, and on Thanksgiving he came over for a lovely breakfast I made.  I actually did believe that getting our “family” back together was his main focus, and as long as he kept saying that this “unstable woman” (as he calls her,) is not in his life, I would try to be friends as well. I still think he’s a cheating, lying, scumbag, but it’s easier for everyone if we can have a good time in front of the kid. And it’s fun.

Cut to this past Sunday night.

He asks if he can come see Willa and I know something fishy is going on  because in the almost year we’ve been separated he’s come over on a “night off” maybe once.

We snuggle up and read in my bed then put Willa down to sleep in her room. He says he needs to talk to me.

Immediately my heart starts to beat in my ears.

Shit, I’m shaking now as I type this part.

He sees my physical reaction and says, “why do you always think it’s going to be something bad?”

Hmmmm, I wonder???

I am paraphrasing the next bit here for the most part. Any exact quote I remember I will use actual quotation marks.

He tells me he in the past he would make horrible mistakes. He would make mistakes, lie about them, and I’d find out and be completely destroyed. He doesn’t want to do that anymore so he’s going to be honest with me right now.

He tells me that he did block Path for “a long time.”

Side note:

He first blocked her in early September. It isn’t even January. Not sure what this person considers a “long time,” feels pretty short to me.

End side note.

He says although she was blocked from his phone, he would receive countless emails from her and that she would show up at his apartment. She lives “in his neighborhood” (I later find out he lives on her street,) and sees when his car is there. She walks her dog “coincidentally” by his place as soon as he gets home. They sit outside his place and he explains why they can’t be together and that he’s not and never has been in love with her. That there’s been “too much trauma” for them to share anything else.

He tells me it’s completely insane and he’s angry with himself for making this same horrible mistake again by letting her back in his life. This is why he doesn’t want me to know where he lives. He said he gave up his apartment starting January 1 and may have to sleep on my couch because he has to get away from Pathy because she’s “unstable and ruining his life.”

I’m fucking pissed.

He is expecting a pat on the back for being honest with me finally. Several months after this woman has in fact been very much back in his life, he’s expecting me to be okay with it because he’s now telling me about it. He’s forgetting there were about 67 times I’d asked him over the past few weeks/months where he’s assured me it was the exact opposite but now he’s showing character and telling me.

I’m not okay with it.

I asked him, “Why now? Why today? What did you do to her??? What is she going to do to me???”

Then it all comes out.

Oh Afkah! Ya never let us down!!

He says she emailed him over a few months ago saying that the two of them had been through so much together they should at least be friends. He says he makes her swear that they will be just friends. He says after a few days it was clear he had made a mistake and she didn’t want to be “just friends.” She went “crazy,” as he says. If he didn’t text her in the morning she would harass him with texts all day. She threatened to talk to me. So, “FOR MY SAFETY, AND TO SPARE MY FEELINGS, HE DID NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT” and continued this “friendship” with her. He wanted to “tell her to fuck off” so many times over the past few months, but couldn’t to “PROTECT ME.”

Please, my readers, please tell me you agree with me that this is COMPLETELY FUCKED UP. Because, Afkah doesn’t really think it is. I was literally jumping around my apartment, pacing like a crackhead while having this conversation with him. He said my reaction was scaring him. I have no idea why in the hell I would be but I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED! I said to him, “What was the meanest thing you could do to me while I was pregnant and with a baby? Have an affair with Pathy. You did it, it literally destroyed me, and now you swear you will never hurt me again and your main priority is building a life of trust and friendship with me, and a loving environment for our daughter. You had every chance to do that but being ‘friends’ with Pathy was more clearly more important. I don’t believe you were trying to protect me. You’ve said countless times that everything is out in the open and Pathy couldn’t do anything to hurt us. But somehow that changed and she’s all the sudden going to accost me and ‘tell me everything’ so you have to ‘keep her close,’ as you say? So she doesn’t hurt me? You’re really thinking I’m going to believe this? What did you do to her, to make this ‘friendship’ of several months end again? Were you fucking her?”

He replies:

“Once.”

What. The. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkkkk.

Ouch. Ouch again.

I’ll tell you why this hurts so much.

He is  smart guy. He knows I will find out.

I always do.

He cares so little about me that he would choose sex and some crazy stalking friendship with a person he “hates” over actually really being who he says he is being; an honest, kind, and decent ex husband to someone he hurt tremendously… Who didn’t deserve it.

But nope!

He does the same thing again.

And I am piiiiiiissssseddddd.

He is getting extremely frustrated with what he thinks are my over the top reactions.

He says this is why he lies. Because he’s afraid of my reactions.

I tell him to, “STOP DOING BAD THINGS AND I WON’T HAVE BAD REACTIONS. This is me, I’m expressive and emotional. Tell me some good news FOR ONCE and I will show over to top excitement for you.”

He says he honestly thinks I should be happy she’s “out of his life for good” and that he is making a change for the better and telling me instead of me finding out another way.

I said it was really hard to congratulate him. That he had two months to tell me this and the only reason he’s telling me now was because something explosive must’ve recently happened between them. And WHY THE FUCK would I EVER believe him again?

I tell him now more than ever I think they’ll end up together and I will accept it. I say I will do my best to make sure Willa is never around her, but eventually I’ll have no control over that. This is not the kind of role model I want for my daughter. He agrees and says Pathy has never been in Willa’s presence and never will. I tell him he should be careful what he says because she’ll probably show me a selfie of the three of them while I was in Palm Springs for my birthday. If their relationship is anything like he says it is, it’s pretty awful, and I think he deserves a relationship like that. He says they barely go out because he’s scared he’ll be seen. He says she has some weird living situation and he sleeps on some sort of small sofa so they’ve only spent the full night together a handful of times over the 18 plus months they spent together. He says she’s not funny and their conversations mostly consist of her explaining to him why they should finally be a couple since the truth is out. That they were free to be together at last. Then him telling her why they can’t and will never be together. He said it’s not deep.

He said what we had was deep and that’s why he wants to do anything to be friends and wants nothing to do with her. That is really wasn’t worth it. He says he feels very comfortable with her sexually because he doesn’t respect her, (typical Madonna/whore complex, but I don’t like to justify it with titles,) and they had a lot of sex, so the last time they did it was more of “hate sex.” And that it was a “mistake.”

Man.

This dude sure does make a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that HURT PEOPLE. And I don’t really think that’s forgivable after a certain point.

Pathy, if you still read my blog, know this: he’s yours now. You can be the only one (we know of) sending him texts throughout the day about what an asshole he is. I’m not happy about it, but I do accept that you will be in my life forever. Afkah will forget all the “crazy” things you’ve done, and you’ll continue to have amazing sex and lots of talks about your relationship. As far as I’m not concerned, I don’t really think you’re as crazy as he says. He may have promised you the world that first time you blew him in the car. He’s hot, I get it. You fell in love with a selfish asshole and he broke your heart. That sucks and I actually feel for you. But it can’t be too big of a surprise. He did cheat on his pregnant wife…This is the kind of man you’re dealing with and you’ve known from the start. But still, we will have to be friends some day and eventually I’ll be numb enough to do so. And maybe you’re a fun chick.

Afkah and I had a life together. We traveled, dined at incredible restaurants together, brushed our teeth together, laughed together, cried together, celebrated holidays together with families, got married, and had a child.

If he could treat me the way he did after all we went through together, I urge you to be careful, Pathy. I know he’s said horrible things about me to you so I take everything he says to me about you with a grain of salt as I don’t believe the stream of bullshit that flows out of his mouth.

As I said earlier, Afkah has said many times that the only way Pathy could come back into his life is if I bring her back in, by blogging about it or meeting up with her. So I didn’t really blog about it. I wanted to keep her out of our lives. Come to find out that was more bullshit and she in fact was back in the picture.

Can someone explain to me why I shouldn’t blog about it at this point?

I get much relief from writing and let’s face it…This post wouldn’t exist if he didn’t stick his penis where he says it doesn’t belong. Hashtag priorities.

All this being said, I don’t know what to believe. Afkah is the source of information for this story, and we know he’s not exactly forthcoming with accurate information generally.

I just want some peace and happiness.

Afkah will say that writing this blog is the opposite way to bring myself peace and happiness. He’ll also most likely say that now he REALLY can’t tell me anything because he doesn’t trust I won’t blog about it. Well, what difference does that make if I don’t believe anything anyway?

I guess we’ll see.

Two steps forward, 5 steps back, but I have learned a lot.

I have many life changes coming in the new year that I’m excited and scared about.

I have Christmas and New Years plans that I’m actually really looking forward to.

Willa’s away for the next few days so I’m going to write about them in a day or so. This post is way too long already.

The next entry will be funny and inspiring, I swear!

Thanks for reading.

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